I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
