The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
