It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
