So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize