Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
