Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
