my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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