Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
