if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come on in and take your pants off
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