I need help removing her.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
