I feel great
I just peed on a car
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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