I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
