all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize