Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
