On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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