a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
