the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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