My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
