Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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