those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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