You really coming over, don't trick.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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