she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
