The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
