yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize