Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
