I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
