he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
