Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She announced her abortion via fbk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think my moral compass just broke
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