Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
