I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
