My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize