As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
