The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
third nipple confirmed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
