you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Non-Jews are for practice
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
