This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
