Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
