Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
