i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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