alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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