Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize