If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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