ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
