thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
