very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
