im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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