i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
