My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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