It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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