yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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