giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
