hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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