In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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