I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
