I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
