if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
