Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
