Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is her dick bigger than yours?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
