you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize