Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
