Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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