I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
