meet me or not, i'm out of control
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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