I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
