How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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