Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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