Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
