dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize