Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
