you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
