you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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