I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
