I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize