she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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