Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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