I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
