lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize