i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
