Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
