dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
