I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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