I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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