Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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