i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
