I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
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