There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize