i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
