I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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