Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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