Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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