He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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