i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
