i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
