I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
