The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
