I must be too annoying 4 u.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
