pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
