i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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