Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If that was your dad, he is hot
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
