I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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