if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize