How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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