Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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