I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
