You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
