just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
