i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
