he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
