I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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