There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
