he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
