Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize