omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
