YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
