Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
