She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
