it hurts more in the daytime
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
