im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
