I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
