All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mom said you looked used
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
