Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
