I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
