True but thats because hes a fetus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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