Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
