i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
cat food counts as protein by the way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
