Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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