Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
