last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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