would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
