He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
