You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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