I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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