Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
