i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
