we're blogging at a bar
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
