yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
