the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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