having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize