So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
