i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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