new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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