I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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